Updated: Jul 25, 2021
How independent parents in Illinois and Missouri are feeling about driving up representation rates while filling in those Missing Life Units (MLU)
MISSOURICASE.NET - A private parents group known as CLU (Clean Law Union) selected a network of Missouri family court cases to help fill the lack of representation with social justice efforts.
About 5,500 independent parents have filed a dissolution of marriage case with children involved in the state of Missouri alone during the first quarter of 2021. That's roughly 22,000 people per year. 17,700 of those (80%) are either unrepresented or underrepresented throughout complex paywalls, digital systems of efilings, physicals systems of organized professionals, virtual hearings, third party software, computer mandates, internet mandates, third party software support in foreign languages, and Supreme Court rules, it's no wonder their so much pain and suffering.
Navigating other complex multi-systems like signing up for college, navigating financial aid, navigating virtual classrooms, and eventually receiving a degree all favors those who are in the known. Those who've done it before or get paid to help. Much like those in the family law industry. Those who can afford fitting representation: either by means of an expensive college degree or retainer fee, have a better shot of success. Yet, children and young families in divorce court battles and similar deployments to war don't need expensive chest-beating, they just need professional love-keeping.
The difference between people earning a college degree and people earning successful legal cases is that 100% who try could earn a college degree, but only 50% of those who try can "win" what they're asking for in family court decisions. Is it any wonder people drop out?
But, what in the world could keep them in the game, you might ask.
Members of Life Winks® and independent parents everywhere are helping bridge the lack of representation gap in several ways. One way is by reporting on the state of the unrepresented, the other is by a comprehensive new network of services - including virtual, individual, and group support.
Here are some interesting facts about what else is going on in grave "family" law practices - The state of unrepresented families and categories of unrepresented and underrepresented family members:
1. Court percentages involving children. In Missouri dissolution of marriage cases involving children, it's roughly 80%. Dissolution of marriage cases without children involved: 20%.
2. Dissolution of marriage cases where one family member is represented, while the other party not represented (numerically +1 v -1, or "plus one versus minus one"):
People who unfortunately find themselves in category 2, whether willingly or against their will, experience a standing judicial difference of 2. They feel two times x'd. Nothing most people express concern about. Even when they do, those concerns are easily dismissed.
But many of those unfortunate people who are attorney challenged say that the results eventually feel much worse than two times the pain of the other party. They report being much more emotionally challenged throughout everyday life. Much more socially challenged when it comes to say visiting with their children's teachers at school or with their children's doctors. Much more financially challenged when it comes to things like work performances, future taxes, and even child support maintenance while caring for their kids.
In a longitudinal scientific study (called voidology) on the non-judicial side of these experiences, category 2 is a difference of between 4 pain points (2 social standing pain points and 2 emotional pain points) and 6 pain points. Which makes sense because it's a known adversarial system of attrition with permanent ripple effects. Where the biggest budgets typically win.
But unrepresented eye witness reports time and time again shows that it feels like Parent X never has a voice. They feel never really heard by decision-makers. And family law always impacts their lives negatively every time they try to raise their hands and show evidence, proof of truth, or ask a question.
Imagine that you're a student at school and one group of children have a teacher and other students do not get a teacher. Or imagine that you're a student in an altercation on the playground or on social media and one side has a parent who's an MMA fighting expert backing them up, and the other side doesn't. The side without representation can be pained and never comforted more than the side with representation. They can be pained even when they express not wanted to fight. In other words, pressed and pressed but never authentically included. Straight cancelled for trying.
A psychology experiment at he University of California, Irvine, used a rigged Monopoly game to reveal how advantaged players flow through the game compared to disadvantaged "Player X." Research shows that when one player begins the game flow with more money, more property, and more dice than the other, then that player is less inclined to share equally or play fairly. All studies show Parent X, like "Player X,' gets repeatedly pummeled for being disadvantaged, and that the community supports these most unfortunately life flows. Which is what sad parents taking hits have been saying silently they experience for years.
3. Dissolution cases where no family member is represented (numerically -1 v -1 - pronounced "minus one versus minus one):
4. Two family members are represented equally (numerically +1 v +1, or an "up & up" experience).
5. One family members is represented times two and the other party is represented (+2 v +1):
6. One family members is overly represented and other family members are not represented (+2 v -1):
7. Dissolution of marriage cases like that KMOV4 story that aired on May 4, 2021 where one parent is subject to psychological authors, two parties are represented, and the other party does not have a psychological voice (+3 v -1). (Note: Psychologists count as two because they carry so much more weight in court. Like, no one is even allowed near their Monopoly board without getting labelled unfit to play).
In the study of social and emotional voidology (the study of missing equality), category 7 is a difference of 8 pain points (4 social standing pain points and 4 emotional pain points) to 12 pain points (4 financial pain points). Which can also be thought of in terms of a backwards Monopoly game. Category 8. One family member has two representatives, a second family member has no representative, and an attorney "Guardian Ad Litem (GAL)" (in Illinois, there are routine attorney "Mediator" interventions as well) is involved to report to the courts.
9. Other categories of representational differences included: +2 versus +2, +3 versus +1, +3 versus +2, and +3 versus +3 (the rarest and most expensive of all the categories).
The "pushed off the table" need
Even sadder, when it comes to uncovering the life flow of 17,700 Parent X's a year in the state of Missouri, and there's a total population of 6.2 million, then that's only 0.3% of the population. When poor and underserved people don't have enough democratic power to pull their own weight in county policymaking, hire a lawyer, or go to law school, then surely they wouldn't have access to a believable voice at the state or federal levels of government. A cry easily trumped be virtually anyone and everyone else.
Of course these facts are not easily conveyed by conventional lawyers or law schools. Nor is it an exhaustive list of industry shortcomings. But it's well-known that it's adversarial system like boxing with parental attritions until the end. While psychological warfare is it's levers along the way. Who would dare speak up about this even if they could?
It broke Olivia's heart to find out that she wasn't the only gifted child turned unrepresented, cancelled life. In Illinois, the statistics show that these seemingly canceled people are always the same way - industrially disadvantaged. They're shown the outside of this advertised "family" law court, but all end up living with the same chronic hopelessness - the same worn-out shoes.
A 2020 study in Central Illinois counties from St. Claire County to Christian County revealed that nearly 80% of truly innocent people were unrepresented or underrepresented (scientifically speaking). Even with their children on the line, their homes, finances, retirement accounts, pets, emotional well-being, social standings, and more.
The Hidden Parent X Phenomenon is in multiple states. Life flows of these poor people prove that they either stay quit about it in public, or else risk rolling the dice in games that are already rigged against them. It seems like when 0.3%-ers try to speak up along with the 99.7%-ers, then they may easily get silenced. Or, eaten alive. Because if those 0.3%-ers were rabbits, herbivores, and the 99.7%-ers carnivores like wolves, then what are there chances of survival? Especially when they are already missing so much in a high conflict divorce or deployment to war. They may not be getting a seat at the table inside their own heads. That's a ratio of roughly 1 to a 333. Of course society and its players are hostile against Parent/Child X. Anyone can test or retest this fact.
Demonstrations - Looking good
When Mississippi College of Law Professor Alina Ng Boyte heard about the program with independent help, she called it "An innovative new program mitigating the effects of divorce on children." But author Aaron Wemple feels that it's more than that. In his book, he says that it's "A side of overlapping empathy with all the overlapping hostility in the world. For those vulnerable children in an unfair systemic pinch, it's like a bandaging and salve instead of just more pinches."
When one parent in category 5 has a social value of two and the other party has a social value of one, then that gap in need of filling is measured as a "one." Usually, this "one" gap is balanced with social justice measures in a Life Winks plan. That's virtual help and balance.
Lightbulb moments - Early adaptors
When Aron Buttram was in the middle of a category 2 experience being a Parent X, the world would've normally been missing his clean, ethically sourced data. You see, it was proposed by the one lawyer that him and his daughter miss 100,464 hours of telephone time. That's right, phone contact was offered to be eliminated for the next 12 years.
Olivia asked Aron and his daughter how safe they felt before and after their filling measures of social justice. Aron said that before he was starting to believe the "deadbeat" role everyone was shoveling. Because that was the political flavor of the day. But then after group help, he felt like a "life raft" and realized that if he floats, then the family floats too.
His daughter simply documented "Love Love" in here case file.
How many units of life are you or a loved one missing? Find out here.
When either party is absent from a representative and cannot afford an expensive retainer fee or a college law degree, then CLU (www.cleanlawunion.com) has fitting group support to pray for and encourage people through. Together turning those sinking feelings into safety nets. Because when there's no right to representation nor a right to bail when accusations are made, then all hell, all gaslighting, psychological warfare, ostracizing, trickery, and inciting rage quit are on the loose. It takes a team just to stay in the game.
When Chris Clark was a Parent X experiencing a category 2, he said that not only did he lose everything that meant anything to him in life, but there was literally no reason to go on.
Over that two-year period in category 2, Chris and his daughter missed 17,472 hours of physical visitation time, 17,472 hours of possible phone time, 24 gift exchanges, 17,472 hours of social media connections, 728 dinners together, hearing each other's voices, seeing each other's appearances, sharing each others psychologies, tips and tricks for living, and dozens of missed school, religious, and extracurricular activities. Before the filling measures of Life Winks, he felt worthless and like giving up on life.
That period Chris and his daughter experienced was 53,168 Missing Life Units (MLU).
What's your number?
Before the filling measures of Life Winks, Chris felt worthless and like giving up on life. But then after he felt like working harder and saving up for an attorney. Like he never wanted to stop fighting for his kids.
How many units of life are you or your loved ones missing? Find out what your number is here.
When Olivia was a Parent X after going through both a category 2 experience and category 7 experiences, he made it well known that life was over. In all, she missed 22 years of combined "visitation" time with her two children. She and her two boys all missed 11 years each. Together they missed a total of 288,288 hours of physical visitation time, 288,288 hours of possible phone time, 88 gift exchanges, 288,288 hours of social media connections, 96,096 dinners together, hearing each other's voices, seeing each other's appearances, sharing each others psychologies, tips and tricks for living, and dozens of missed school, religious, and extracurricular activities. Before the filling measures of Life Winks, she felt worthless and like giving up on life. But then, afterwards, she felt like working harder than ever before. Like she never wanted to stop fighting for her kids.
That was 960,960 total Missing Life Units (MLU).
Now Olivia says that "After the gap filling measures Life Winks provided, my life became a spirit of ultra-safety towards justice. I started feeling the inclusion of family and decisions. I even saw that across different counties. I started seeing access to more civilized family law practices across the board."
How many units of life are you or a loved one missing? Find out here.
The fact is that if authors of other people's lives would stop loosing focus on what people are really missing, then clean data would prevail in decisions. And unclean data would slowly be reduced in authority over us. We could start supporting missing things, and stop supporting BS.
Trying to wrap your brain around the nearly invisible representation gaps, is like waiting for the other shoe to drop. Even if you get it, it feels like something illegal to know.
The number of divorce cases filed each year nationally according to the CDC, is 1.1 million. At with a national average of 2 children per family, that's 2.2 million children per year impacted by divorce alone. And that's 0.88 million children every year impacted by parents who lack representation. Where will that shoe drop?
Saint Louis - What's missing?
You would never know it, but in the early 1900s, before Forest Park in St. Louis even existed, that land was a smelly, deadly, toxic swamp - Land X. But for the 1904 World's Fair, St. Louis buried the open sewage river beneath Forest Park to hide the stench. Bond money and several federal relief agencies developed land reclamation acts, including the River des Peres Greenway linking seven parks, three business districts, bike trails, and six neighborhoods. Afterwards, people everywhere appreciate the filling measures.
Today, there's no shoe waiting to drop. Just benefits for visionaries everywhere looking for a healthy destination to enjoy.
Besides filling in the missing representation gaps locally, in St. Louis and Central Illinois, independent parents are also planning to draft a bill for the U.S. Congress or a bonding initiative for the City of St. Louis regarding a future Family Reclamation Act. Or, they'll be safer to wait until cleaning up a mess is much more acceptable than leaving it.
When you're young and crying for your non-custodial parent or deployed parent, it can feel like a crime to speak out. And when you're older and without representation but trying to include your truth with decision-makers, then that can obvious a child up against a team of psychological warfare artists. Which is very a very dangerous place to be.
From little Olivia's lifetime of feeling those broken worn-out shoes and her deconstructive experiences through the family law industry, while her dad was gone to war, the unrepresented life her mom experienced was very self-defeating and painful indeed. So much so that she was always trying to escape those feelings, while also being hypersensitive to even looking for new shoes. She's stuck in someone else's painful pinch.
She learned first-hand that conventional "family" law versus law is not for vulnerable young children, gifted children, the unrepresented, nor the faint of heart. But it was for the calloused, cruel, cold, and unconscionable.
Several Illinois state legislative initiatives that independent parents have worked on so far to try and remove the pain for children include Madison's Initiative to limit "Continuance" maneuvers to 30 days, and Evan's Initiative to allow bail for accusations made in family court.
However, like for the 0.3%-ers, those initiatives have been met with crickets at best. Stories of zombies trying to destroy the world at worst.
So, children of unrepresented parents like Madison and Evan now find no hope to wipe away their tears, and prevent the tears for other kids, as far as policy is concerned. Or, as Olivia likes to say to them, there are no new shoes in the queue for the unrepresented. "Just wear your old shoes," Olivia says, "and get used to being hurt for looking for new ones."
"Family court," says the famous Judge Judy, is full of "morons" & "political hacks."
"Policymaking," says Olivia, "Is full of postvention systemics after postvention systemics. We're not geared as a society to ever prevent those unrepresented lives. We're only geared to add more conflicted complications to future cases after the fact."
Olivia says that the morale of her story is that if you have some life to live, and old shoes to fill but never new, then nowhere but quit is the place for you.
How to be an Inclusion & Fairness Rescuing Hero
Among recent experiences in St. Louis high school protest events, when some parents wanted a theory taught to students and others do not, that led to rounds of public debates.
But if some students had a teacher to get them past fourth grade English class, and another students did not, then you'd think either the school principal or the school board would find a way to fill that gap. Otherwise, how would those vulnerable students even get a grade recorded? That would be a similar Student X.
If those gaps in St. Louis "family" law versus law were in respect to vaccination shots, then even the federal government is willing to intervene and contract with private companies to fill that need of everyone being able to receive a Covid-19 vaccination. Otherwise, how could a large number of people gain preventative measures instead of just postvention shoes to fill? That is literally what People X must do. Find their own new shoes to wear.
The early adopters of game-changing family restoration innovations have become some of the most resilient people in their families and in their communities. Even children like Alayna in Central Illinois write "Love, Love" on her file while her family was no longer lost in conflict. Her parents experienced high attrition rates during a high conflict divorce, but those gravities were reversed.
Adding value and rebranding to unrepresented people has proven to have life sustaining qualities. However, most children feel like Olivia or like Lefty Lefty below instead instead of being lucky enough to have an outside society who cares. When their moms and dads weren't represented, or equally represented, then things became very traumatic very fast. These are children X. And they're never the same. Those devalued experiences etch in stone (and on paper) in their minds to remain smelly pain points forevermore.
"We should all be concerned about the lack of coverage in the legal world shortcomings where decisions are enforced," say