Finally, divorce doesn't have to be a double divorce for the kids

"Ya-a-a-y!



Worried


Are you or someone you know worried about about divorce or some other kind of parental separation and kids missing their moms, dads, home, family, and friends?


Finally, divorce doesn't have to be a double divorce for the kids. This is a major point in an important conversation for nearly half of us in America. If I've been in an open relationship with someone for years and they break up with me for whatever reason, then I have every right to know the reasons why. As I mentioned before, having a strong relationship with my ex is actually an incredibly important element in my life and it's something that I would never wish to miss. But it goes beyond that. A divorce is not a two-for-one deal. It's a one- , one-half-of-a-third, deal when children are involved. You can't just throw a number out there like you have in most cases as far as visitation punch clocks. For me, it was a three-part deal.


In a way, that's really what it boils down to. No matter how many times I tried to talk to my ex about it, she just would not give up. And I never did, either. She didn't give me a chance. My ex-girlfriend has been with another man for over a year and a half now, which is pretty much the longest time. I feel like I should have been able to just say "no" and move on with life, yet I was constantly asking her questions about her ex and how it all went down. After a while, we stopped trying to contact each other, because our conversations were just not the same. And I also felt like the ex felt that she should be the one to come to me and try to fix it. We ended up breaking up, so we had to go our separate ways for a bit. Which was frustrating. This was not my fault, this was all her fault. Her and her friends are the ones who decided to split and go their own separate ways. My ex decided this split was so she could date someone else and live her life with their friends. That is ridiculous and I wish she would have just told me. At least she wouldn't be like this, so I can move forward. And I agree, too. Look at it this way: You're on the internet right now. Your friends and family are probably having fun. Everyone's having their own conversations. There are no people that are just sitting around trying not to interact with you. Sure, there are a lot of people who have decided that they want you to leave. Many of them are on here talking about how you should give it a rest and not bother to ask them for their opinions. Well, guess what? They are right! They do not need your opinion. Or at least they shouldn't. And I agree with that. But you are actually wasting your time on this. How are you going to handle it? Your ex isn't going anywhere. She doesn't have anything to offer you in that regard. This is all she has. All she's ever had. Why are we even talking about any of this?!


For me it ended with the biggest split of my entire life. Now, for you this is completely different. But, in all honesty, when I came to this decision, all I wanted was to be there for my children. They were always there for me. I had a few of my older friends help me through the whole thing. The fact that my kids are still here and that this has happened so quickly is just so ridiculous and upsetting. This was all because of me! I ended my relationship so that the kids could have the best of everything and be together. Now I'm trying not to waste any more time and money on a relationship that's not going in any way to be a good one. Not to mention the fact that it has gotten me into so much trouble with both my kids. All I ever wanted was to have a happy and healthy relationship and I wasted so many years of it just to do that. It's so frustrating and unfair that you just can't just go to a person and say hey, I don't want to spend the rest of my money to get back together because you're not even listening to what I needed to say. There are people out there who are in similar situations. Why can't I just be that person?


The more I think about this, the more it seems like it should've never been an issue for me. Yes, I know that it took me a long time to figure out that my best friend is dating her boyfriend. They have dated for almost two years. She has moved out of their house, and is just trying to find herself. It breaks my heart to hear her talk about the pain of her breakup and just how horrible it was. And all of the drama. It's really really hard to take the time that I need to make things work and find a way so I can be happy. But I still think it is a great idea to keep things on the down low until you know for sure. If you have to see them, you shouldn't. Keep your expectations low and don't expect the person you love to change. Trust me, it's not like they are going to suddenly stop dating. Not to mention that their parents would probably not let them do that either. They are not that much different from us. In fact, most of us are probably more like them than we realize. What are you doing to yourself? Are you in a similar situation? What can you do to start looking for love again?


Your ex has no business telling you that they need you to pay them or cater to them to talk to your children. If so, they are being manipulative and rude. But why does any divorce or separation have to be a double divorce on the children? Why does it have to be twice as painful for and double upside-down for the kids? I'll never get it!



Are you worried about a divorce, deployment to war, or separation effecting the kids?


Finally, divorce doesn't have to be a double divorce for the kids.





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